December 09, 2004

Spoiled Milk (Or Christmas Really Fucking Sucks When You Don't Have A Job)

Overheard at the grocery store the other day:

Sweet Alice: Go grab a half a gallon of milk, will ya.

Me: Can we afford milk?

Sweet Alice: Shut up, asshole. What's the expiration date?

Me: January 22nd. Man, I hope I have a job by the time this milk expires.

Sorry, that's all I've got for now. Also, I promise not to continuously post about my unemployment. Really. Just because I'm depressed and near suicidal doesn't mean you should be too. Merry Christmas!

Thanks to Pixy Misa and Jennifer for getting me back up and blogging. You would have never heard from me again if it wasn't for them. You only have them to blame. I always thought the Munuvians were a bunch of pompous jackasses. Well, I was wrong (mostly) and am proud to be amongst the ranks of such a proud, pompous bunch of jackasses.

Feel better, Jen.

Pixy - You're a god.

Now let the linking to me begin!

Posted by Bill at December 9, 2004 09:15 PM

Yay Bill! Welcome to MuNu, the land of milk and... more milk.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at December 9, 2004 09:52 PM


Posted by: Jennifer at December 9, 2004 11:59 PM

Bill, you ungrateful slut! Who asked you if you wanted to be a Munuvian? Who prostrated herself before the great and powerful Pixy Misa, begging for a tiny bit of bandwidth for B.I.? Who gave Pixy your email and...

Aw, to heck with it! I just can't get any respect.

Big freakin' "Yay"...


Posted by: Susie at December 10, 2004 04:47 AM

Damn, now I am really forked. I reported that you had died, what, 20 times now?

Posted by: Tig at December 10, 2004 05:30 AM

Yay! Bill's going to help us with our plans of world domination. This rocks.

On a seriouser note, have you thought of relocation? I've got an excellent headhunter in the Atlanta area and my own company is hiring like mad. Email me if I can help - I'm horribly bad at following up on comment threads.

Posted by: Jim at December 10, 2004 10:31 AM

Where the FUCK is my link?

And would it have killed you to let me know what was going on? Have you even been reading the shit I've got rolling over at my place?

I'm not feelin the goddam love...

Posted by: Paul at December 10, 2004 01:08 PM

Welcome back and good luck with the elusive job hunt.

Posted by: RP at December 10, 2004 01:21 PM

Jumpin' Jesus Christ on a pogo stick...Pixy'll let anyone into Munuvia...

Posted by: Victor at December 10, 2004 01:35 PM

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

There goes the neighbourhood (yes, I spelt it correctly).

Posted by: Simon at December 10, 2004 02:16 PM

Well looky here. Just off the boat and he's already pissing off the natives (where does the silent "u" go in that word Simon?). You know Pixy brought you in to take care of the groundskeeping, right?

Posted by: Ted at December 10, 2004 03:28 PM

Bill, you silly skankasaurus! Long time no read about prostate problems! Glad you're back in the loop, and it seems you've moved up in the world.

Oh, and being employed is overrated.

Posted by: shank at December 10, 2004 03:30 PM

Get the store brand....costs less,tastes like shit but lasts the longest (most likely because no one like that crap).
Happy Job Hunting!

Posted by: LW at December 10, 2004 04:23 PM

No, we are pompous jackasses.

Posted by: DeAnna at December 10, 2004 05:18 PM
"Just off the boat and he's already pissing off the natives (where does the silent "u" go in that word Simon?)."

Ted, I guess we're the "nuatives".

And, Bill, welcome back to the Blogosphere. Thought for while you were hangin' with Collins in the old country.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at December 11, 2004 10:53 PM

I'm still pissed because you didn't link me after one of your comment count scams... I spent over an hour jacking around with insulting comments and didn't even get a 'Fuck You'... where's the love, man?

Welcome to our world!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at December 13, 2004 02:28 AM

Don't make me start comment blogging. You know I'll do it...

Posted by: Paul at December 13, 2004 08:07 PM

Do it! Do it! We love when you comment blog, Paul!

Posted by: Jennifer at December 13, 2004 09:28 PM

Oh, and blogroll me.

Posted by: shank at December 14, 2004 12:32 AM

Hey, just watch the expiry dates .... especially in convenience stores man.... discount meat.... sickness... etc.

wb Bill

Posted by: Oorgo at December 14, 2004 07:52 PM

Wow, I never knew it took so much out of your day to be unemployed! I mean, here Bill's been at this new place for a while and he still has the bare bones default template and one whole post. Be still my heart.

So what is it? Jogging all day in the same crusty sweats so you'll fit it with the rest of the street people? Or did you get your ass kicked by some toothless bum for panhandling on his corner? Probably too embarrassed to admit that he's selling Amway now, or is that against the rules since you already were doing black market Tupperware parties with second-hand shit you bought down at the flea market. I bet the mornings are just shot having to push your shopping cart all over town from yard sale to yard sale.

Bah. I'm fucking disgusted with you.

Posted by: Ted at December 16, 2004 03:17 PM

Man, Ted really kicked your ass. I've always liked him.

Posted by: Paul at December 16, 2004 06:55 PM

christ in a vise, Ted. You sure are a sweetheart.

Posted by: shank at December 16, 2004 07:48 PM

Let's turn Bill's comments section into a group blog.

Posted by: Paul at December 16, 2004 09:07 PM

Tough love shank, tough love. If he won't entertain me than I'll entertain myself at his expense. It's the blogging equivalent of masturbation.

Lets go for it Paul. I've carved out my niche as the angry one, and you do cynical and disdain better than anyone else I know. We can have Jennifer do the sweetness and light, and Bill does the very occasional whining, which is good because it gets old real quick.

Where's Madonna? Think she'd post any dumb-ass son-in-law stories? Although pretty much anything that started with "One time Bill..." would qualify.

Posted by: Ted at December 16, 2004 11:34 PM

Anybody got any "Dear Scabby" questions I can answer?

Posted by: Paul at December 17, 2004 06:30 PM

Dear Scabby,
Since Bill is probably the only blogger who, at this exact moment, is actually wearing pajamas; should he be punished for spending his unemployed time wacking it instead of blogging? And if so, what would the proper punishment be?
Yours Truly,
The shankinator

Posted by: shank at December 17, 2004 07:36 PM

Take heart, Bill, I've been unemployed (again) since August. Work, like jury duty, is for people too stupid to get out of it. Take heart, it's always darkest just before it turns completely black. My low point? Wife takes temp job. High point? Wife quits, says "this work shit sucks!" "See?" says I. Vindication.

Posted by: Bane at December 18, 2004 10:30 PM

Start heating up the wire coat hanger...

Posted by: Paul at December 20, 2004 01:04 PM

If only I'd had the foresight to get Pixy to give me permissions here, we could blog up a storm.


Posted by: Jennifer at December 20, 2004 08:29 PM

I forgotses my passwordses in the land of MuNu. What a strange places and what an idiotses Billses is. Someoneses help Billses to blogses again.

Oh, and I hate all of you.

Posted by: Bill at December 20, 2004 08:46 PM

Jennifer does interviews. She should interview a bunch of bums and pass along their best street tips and tricks. Hey Bill, try a week in Vegas, maybe we'll see you in volume 3 of BumFights.

Posted by: Ted at December 21, 2004 12:54 PM

I wish there really was a volume 3 of Bum Fights.

I realize that's not a popular stance...

Posted by: Paul at December 21, 2004 03:53 PM

A-HA! Found you!

I KNEW you'd still be lurking in some dark corner.

Posted by: Keith at December 21, 2004 04:54 PM

I'm impressed that you knew there were two volumes of Bumfights, you politically incorrect bastard. Love ya, guy!

Posted by: Ted at December 23, 2004 02:11 PM

Merry Christmas Bill and Alice! I've been very very busy, no time to blog, um I mean no time to read blogs. Anyhoo, so glad you're back!!

Posted by: Jackie at December 23, 2004 04:22 PM

You still don't have a password?

Posted by: Jennifer at December 28, 2004 06:04 PM

Oh, he's got one. All that pruno he's been guzzling has affected his memory. He can't remember it. Probably can't remember how to work email either, because Pixy could help him. If Bill could remember who Pixy was. If Bill could remember who Bill was.

Posted by: Ted at December 29, 2004 03:13 PM

Hmm. I have his phone number somewhere...if I don't hear from him by Monday, I'll pass it out.

Posted by: Jennifer at December 30, 2004 06:52 PM

I know you posted by Dec. 31 because I threatened to never come back and you didn't want me to go insane reading those knitting blogs. Right, I know.

Regardless, all these nice people helped you get this thing set up so damn it, new blog, new year, get busy! Well, what are you waiting for?

And Jennifer, good idea, let's spam his phone.

Posted by: Jackie at January 4, 2005 02:36 AM


Good to see your blog's back to life. Keep it up.

Posted by: Stephen Silver at January 7, 2005 04:16 AM

Hey Bill, I have something you may want to post about but I can't find your email to send it to you. Email me, I think you'll like this.

Posted by: Jackie at January 12, 2005 04:40 PM

Crikey, this is worse than Collins or Debbye. They had excuses.


Posted by: Tuning Spork at January 18, 2005 04:58 AM

I forgot my password again. Anybody? Can we change it to something I remember?

Posted by: Bill at January 21, 2005 04:17 PM


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