January 21, 2005


Well, it's January...something...and I still don't have a job. My last post mentioned January 22nd. It's awfully close to that...I think. It's either Thursday or Tuesday. Or maybe it's the day that starts with F. I don't pay attention much any more. I've had five interviews in three months and NOTHING. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I took out a book from the library about interviewing, hoping it would help. Unfortunately, the book was written by George Carlin. Here are a few of his tips of his that I followed.

* When interviewing with a guy, look at the picture of his wife on the desk and say, "Who's the cunt?".

* When asked about your skills, tell the interviewer that, "In the morning you like to smoke a 'bong full of Fruitloops and watch the midmorning movie". I'll most likely be in after three for a piece of cake for the fat chick's birthday thingie".

When asked if you have any questions, you should say, "If I get this job, can I have a desk near the front door so I can the fuck outta here in a big, big hurry. I don't like to be around this shithole any longer than I have to".

Those were George Carlin's tips, here are mine.

* Fart or burp as often as possible during an interview. Tell the interviewer, 'I probably shouldn't have brought my frog'.

* Eat a triple cheeseburger during an interview and ask him/her if she'd like the pickles, "'cause you're not crazy about 'em".

* Take a dump on his/her desk and let 'em know you can produce under pressure!

When the interviewer is a female and you have a big penis, put all your assets on the table...literally.

Soon these tips will help me get a job but more importantly, I hope that they can help others. If you follow al of my guidelines carefully, soon you will be gainfully employed!

Good luck, losers!

Posted by Bill at 05:10 PM | Comments (70)